I am a former student of the University of Chicago. Actually, what I mean is that I have read a magazine in a Starbucks on the University of Chicago campus. When I was there, I went to the campus bookstore. I was searching for a men’s room and I asked one of the students. He said he found the building (which was very old) confusing and he was not sure. I searched around and then I found it and I laughed to myself. I was thinking, ‘I could never get into this university, yet I found the restroom when a student from there could not, how smart am I!’

I know that reading a magazine there does not actually make me a student nor does finding the men’s room make me smarter than a student from there, but…it felt pretty good! Anyway, while I was there, I read the latest issue of the Journal of Financial Planning (March 2016). And yes, reading such a magazine made me feel scholarly too. In the magazine was an interesting article entitled, When Helping Hurts, 5 Recommendations for Planners with Financial-Enabling Clients. It begins by describing a 30-year-old man who murdered his father when his father decided to cut off his allowance of $3000.00 per month.

It was a fascinating article and something that Joe Biden and Barack Obama need to read!!!!

The article listed five different recommendations for financial planners to communicate to their clients who are financially  supporting their children or others. I am going to share them with you because I think there are spiritual implications of each as well as financial implications.

The first recommendation was to recognize that financial help could hurt. The authors Bradley Klontz and Anthony Canale write:

Financial dependence does not occur in a vacuum. Whether it is financial dependence on welfare, a trust fund, or regular parental contributions, the financial dependent is being enabled.

People quickly become used to being waited on and being served. I know I do. You are all familiar with the axiom of “give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, teach him how to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.” It is so easy to keep accepting the fish when it is just given to you.

Spiritually, the first thing that comes to my mind is the people of Israel in the Sini desert. How hard it must have been for them to go into the desert, away from their masters who gave them food and water and a bed. In the desert, they had to rely on faith daily, for food and water. No wonder they complained and moaned. It takes time to learn to use your minds, your abilities, and develop your faith muscle. It took them 40 years!

The second recommendation that the authors give is to understand the curse of too many options. Now, I am all for options when it comes to my own life and I am sure you feel the same way. However, where there are too many options it can lead to a lack of creativity, drive, motivation, and passion (according to a 2012 study by the Journal of Financial Therapy).

Spiritually, this reminds me of the story of David. David had multiple wives. He seemed to have a power with women that allowed him to have many different women. Yet he desired someone else’s. This desire led to murder and a cover-up that would have made Bill Clinton proud. We need to learn to be satisfied. This reminds me of my mentor who has been married for almost 50 years. He came from a generation where if something was broken they would fix it, not just throw it away.

The third recommendation is that we need to acknowledge the curse of unstructured free time. It is common knowledge that too much free time causes anxiety and depression. If you do not believe me, visit a Senior Living establishment or a prison. We were made for accomplishment. I remember some TV preacher saying who saying, “You can retire from a job, but you should never retire from life”. We always need a new goal, a new dream.

Spiritually, I think of King Solomon. He had all this wealth and he was the king. He indulged in pleasure. Yet his, “success” led to him writing the book of Ecclesiastes, a book full of statements such as:

Ecclesiastes 1:2 “Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher. “Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.”

The lack of meaningful and good aspirations led him to take wives that led him from the Lord, tax his people into rebellion, and it was all gone in a few generations anyway.

The fourth and fifth recommendations are to rip off the financial band-aid and make a referral. I will discuss both of these together. Maybe you are someone who keeps helping despite warnings and promises to stop. Yet, when push comes to shove, you feel obligated and that helping is, “the right thing to do”. This is a form of co-dependence. You need to be needed. You are also reinforcing the behavior of asking for help when the person may need to stretch his or her muscles, creativity, and ability themselves. How do you get out of this trap? Maybe you need help in getting your son or daughter off of the gravy train. The best way is to make a plan, commit yourself to it, communicate it to the other person, and get help.

The article gives four considerations in creating a plan to help the person stand on their own two feet:

1. Set a date at which time the financial aid will be stopped
2. Brainstorm other ideas for means of support
3. Develop a script for announcing the end of financial support
4. Develop a support system to keep the plan in place

Spiritually, I think of Jesus and the disciples. The Lord had to rip-off the band-aid of His presence and His support. Though His support is always there for us and we need to depend on Him, it was definitely the end of a type of dependence. He told them that He would not be with them in the flesh, forever. And then later, His disciples made a plan of writing things down, of evangelizing, and of organizing themselves. And the Lord made a referral, to the Holy Spirit!

So financial dependence on others can lead to children not achieving their full potential. In some ways, the Lord wants us become less dependent too but in other ways as we grow in Him we become more dependent. I am not sure that I know all the ways He wants us to become independent but thankfully, the Lord wants us to grow in Him more than we want to grow in Him!  I do know that the fruit of living a life of faith strengthens faith in Him in us and we become like Him and display more love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, and self-control.

Proverbs 30:9…Keep deception and lies far from me, Give me neither poverty nor riches; Feed me with the food that is my portion, 9That I not be full and deny You and say, “Who is the LORD?” Or that I not be in want and steal, And profane the name of my God. 10Do not slander a slave to his master, Or he will curse you and you will be found guilty

—————————————————————————-W.