You may have noticed that we have begun a new section on Women and Family. It will be run by our friend, Brad Weisman. I kind of thought that in order to really be a men’s magazine, we need to talk about women and being a good lover, husband, boyfriend, father and/or brother from a Judeo-Christian perspective.

Personally, I know I need some help in this area. I have some experience with martial separation. yet the Lord has shown me some things during those times that I feel encouraged to share. These are things that I would like to share to encourage and support others like me. I would like to encourage and support others like me in the form of encouraging people in my situation to make a pledge. This pledge is intended to support you in dealing with your martial separation from a Biblical viewpoint.

Now, I am not psychologist or a pastor or a Marriage and Family Counselor. The pledge is not guaranteed to do anything or help make something happen. If you feel you can benefit from professional counsel, then please do not feel afraid to get it. We all need help. However, I am just encouraging those in similar circumstances to trust the Lord in your situation the best way I know how. The parts of the pledge are just garnered from my understanding of scripture and my own experiences. If you think I am wrong on any of them or want to add another point to the list, leave a comment.

I wanted to give you a model. However, I have been racking my brain trying to think of a Biblical person who was separated in his or her marriage. However, I have not been able to think of anyone. If you think of anyone and want to let me know about them, please email me.

Now we all know that separation and divorce is not what the Lord wants (Malachi 2:16). But we all know it happens. Sometimes it even beyond our say so. Sometimes we know we are the reason. Sometimes we are not. Sometimes we have no clue what happened!!!

1.) Be Pure

1 John 3:3 And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.

Isaiah 55:2 Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and you will delight in the richest of fare.

The first pledge that I would encourage seperated Christians to make is to purity (however you may define it). Especially for men, the first temptation they may experience when separated is to fill their minds with pornography. However, we are called to be pure no matter our circumstances. Pledge to not allow your loneliness to seek after things that will not truly make you happy.

2.) Pray for Your (Ex) Spouse

Matthew 5:44 But I say to you, be loving your enemies and praying for those who are persecuting you.

The knee-jerk reaction may be to hate our spouse for their failures or for the situation or for something else. That is the natural reaction but we serve a supernatural Lord and our faith means we are not to give into the “natural man” (as Paul puts it). We are called to pray for our enemies and those who belittle us or mock us or make us feel small. We are called to pray for our spouse, ex-spouse, or soon-to-be ex-spouse.

3.) Do Not Call Him or Her Bad Names, Do Not Hate

Matthew 5:22 “But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother [or sister], ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.

We are NOT to use names with our spouse for they are our brothers and sisters. This is VERY important in front of children. Pledge to not be a back-biter and call your spouse names.

4.) Be A Parent

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

Whether or you are divorced or just separated, living with your spouse or not and you have children, you are a parent. You have a Godly obligation to be your children’s mother or father. There is no excusing yourself from that. Pledge to be a good parent to your children regardless of your marital status.

5.) Trust That the Lord is Still in Control, He is Not Done with You Yet

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

If you are in this situation and you know that you have been faithful, the Lord will see you through it. If you know your own mistakes have brought you here, as the Lord for forgiveness and your spouse. The Lord is not done with you yet. Pledge to trust the Lord’s provision.

6.) Use Your Time to Renew and Grow Spiritually, Get Help if You Need it

John 15:1-5 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you -abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

As a man who is separated, I have had some time on my hands, time that I have not always spent well. However, I encourage you to pledge to spend some of our new alone time with the Lord, in prayer and reading the Bible.

7.) Forgive Him or Her, Forgive Yourself

Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

This is a crazy thing to go through and you are sure to do things you are not proud of. Pledge to forgive your spouse or your soon-to-be-ex spouse and yourself for their and your mistakes.