by Scot Pilkington June 15, 2022

Rule 1:

Anything they do is not against you. You are not a part of their thought process when they are angry, crying, or shy. They experience their emotions and try them out. If it frustrates you, then you need to ask yourself; what is it behind the frustrations? What is my unresolved issue that is causing my anger/frustration or unhappiness with this situation? It is not about them, it is about what they are reflecting back to you about yourself. Do not forget this. It is never about them, but about the reflection and unresolved internal issues, you have.

Rule 2:

Your child is always testing you for consistency in your behavior. Will you hold true to your word? Are you always going to stand behind what you say? Or are you going to change your response to me every time I test you? It is absolutely necessary to hold true to your behavior and follow through. This is all about your child testing to find out if my home environment is safe. Regardless of your child’s behavior, it has to do with testing the security of their environment. An environment that has unstable behavior tells the child that this is not a safe place to be. They want to be sure they have a safe home/world.

Now, this may sound back words, but it is how they process and test the stability of the home/parent/grandparents, etc. When someone is inconsistent, they know that it is not safe. It is like testing a car/boat/plane etc. If the vehicle performs consistently, in the same way, all the time, you know you have a reliable vehicle. If the parent remains consistent, they know you are reliable. They know they can trust you, just like you can trust your vehicle to get you there and back safely. If the vehicle breaks down and behaves erratically, then you don’t trust it. The same goes for your child. They want to know if you behave erratically with yelling and screaming, etc. They will test you non-stop every day because they are growing, and their mind is changing every day.

Rule 3:

Your child can be the best teacher about yourself. They will bring out in you all the unresolved internal issues that you need to work on. They are a perfect gift from the creator because they do not come into this world with all the crazy-making in their heads. Not only that, but they are pure and innocent. They hold no agenda or preconceived thoughts about what they are going to do. They again are pure in thoughts and will reflect what God/The Universe/The creator brings to this world. Furthermore, they are pure beings for the first 5 years. They are all about love. If you listen closely to them, you see the Universe unfolding in its purest form without all the human/society crap we call the human race that comes with so many stigmas and appropriate behavior requirements.

Now, the above has nothing to do with holding boundaries and healthy discipline. More on that later. ©

Scot Pilkington has 30+ years of Management/Engineering experience. He also has spent over 25+ years working on psychological issues relating to himself and to the raising of his family. He spends his time researching and studying human behavior.

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