Several weeks ago, I went to see Dweezil Zappa at his Zappa Plays Zappa show. I actually had never heard any of Frank Zappa’s music before. And there were some songs I liked but most of them were just, “okay”. Certainly Dweezil is a very very talented guitar player. Though I never considered myself a Frank Zappa fan the reason I went to the show was because a friend and I are working on a writing project about Frank Zappa. You may wonder why I am working on a writing project about someone I was never a fan of. The reason is because I have always considered Mr. Zappa fascinating just as a person. He was an incredibly intelligent person and a leader in experimental music. I remember seeing Alice Cooper on Youtube talk about how when he was starting out he did a show that Mr. Zappa attended. None of the audience got what Cooper was doing and most of them walked out. Frank Zappa noted this and was impressed and approached him after the show. He told Alice Cooper that he was going to be a star because everyone had walked out. He saw the artistry that others could not see. However, having said that there was actually little I agree with him on. This is especially true regarding religion and faith.

One of his father’s songs that Dweezil played was particularly interesting to me, Cosmik Debris. Dweezil introduced it as a song for some person who has “jewels encrusted in his clothing”. He was obviously making a reference to the Pope. It was extra scathing since the Pope had just arrived in New York a day or two before the concert. However, I knew that Frank Zappa considered himself an atheist/agnostic. So I wanted to examine Zappa’s intentions in the song.

Here are the lyrics to the song:

The mystery man came over
And he said “I’m outta sight!”
He said for a nominal service charge
I could reach nirvana tonight
If I was ready, willing and able
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest of
His pressing affairs and devote
His attention to me
But I said “Look here brother
who you jiving with that cosmik debris?
Now who you jiving with that cosmik debris?
Look here brother, don’t waste your time on me”
The mystery man got nervous
And he fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his mystery robe
And he whipped out a shaving kit
Now I thought it was a razor
And a can of foaming goo
But he told me right then when the top popped open
There was nothin’ his box won’t do
With the oil of Aphrodite, and the dust of the Grand Wazoo
He said “You might not believe this, little fella
But it’ll cure your asthma too”
And I said “Look here brother
Who you jiving with that cosmik debris?
Now what kind of a guru are you, anyway?
Look here brother, don’t waste your time on me”
*(Don’t waste your time)*
“I’ve got troubles of my own”, I said
“And you can’t help me out
So, take your meditations and your preparations
And ram it up your snout!”
“But I got the crystal ball”, he said
And held it to the ligh
So I snatched it, all away from him
And I showed him how to do it right
I wrapped a newspaper ’round my head
So I looked like I was deep
I said some mumbo-jumbo, then
I told him he was going to sleep
I robbed his rings and pocketwatch
And everything else I found
I had that sucker hypnotized
He couldn’t even make a sound
I proceeded to tell him his future, then
As long as he was hanging around
I said “The price of meat has just gone up
And your old lady has just gone down!”
And I said “Look here brother-who you
Jiving with that cosmik debris?
Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho?
Don’t you know, you could make more money as a butcher?
So, don’t waste your time on me”
Don’t waste it, don’t waste your time on me
Now I am sure this one song was not the only song that Frank Zappa wrote regarding religion. However, according to Dweezil it was the most important one. After examining the lyrics it seems that Frank Zappa considered priests and religious people to be con-artists and that he just wanted to be left alone by them. It is a shame Mr. Zappa felt that way. Now, God knows that we are imperfect beings that are more interested in our own human desires than in loving others for Him. And especially during the 80s there were many religious scams on tv. Even today it seems that all you have to do is wait a few weeks and someone will try and ignite a scandal involving something about religion. Human beings will never be the tool for other people’s salvation, unless that human being happened to be the one Jesus Christ.

Despite that truth, I am glad that God has wasted” his time on me and I am certainly glad that others have “wasted” their time telling me about God and about His plan for me. Actually, the Bible tells us something else. Far from “wasting” time, the Bible tells us that us and our decision by decision living in the Lord’s plan for our lives is the most important thing to God. According to the God’s Word, He wants to be intimately involved in everything we say and do and decide and think. However, if we tell the Lord to leave us alone and not waste His time on us, He will.

Now I am not judging Mr. Zappa Jr. or Senior. I have no idea what was truly in his heart about God or where he is today. However, again from reading about him and what he accomplished I can say with assurance he was a very intelligent man so I hope he was able to find some faith in the Lord. Here are some more lyrics from another song of Frank’s that Dweezil sang called Outside Now. From my interpretation of it, it seemed to offer me some hope:

….But that was only a bunch of
Imaginary notes I played —
Just a little extra somethin’
To keep me goin’ from day to day
But that’s okay —
I’ll be gettin’ outta here pretty soon —
Then I won’t have to live
In this ugly f***’ room
I can’t wait to see what it’s like
On the outside now…
I can’t wait to see what it’s like
On the outside now…
I can’t wait to see what it’s like
On the outside now…
I can’t wait to see what it’s like
On the outside now…

Now it maybe a stretch to say he was talking about anything “heavenly”.  But who knows? The following song more clearly reflects my stance,

Psalm 23: The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,3  he refreshes my soul.He guides me along the right path for his name’s sake.4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;your rod and your staff,they comfort me.5 You prepare a table before m  in the presence of my enemies.You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,and I will dwell in the house of the Lord,  forever.

—————————————————W.

PostScript: Gail Zappa, Frank’s wife passed away on October 7th. The same day this blog was posted. Our prayers are with her family and her children: Dweezil, Ahmet, Diva, and Moon Unit.